PLANET3RRY

That’s right peeps, the 22nd episode of Gravity@1053′ Running Podcast has hit The Web! I know! WTF!

So this Episode is part of my running of the World Wide Festival of Races Worldwide Half Marathon!

Stuff that I talk about during this episode:

1) Runner’s Dilemma of Pooping

2) Some things that I have learn this training season in regards to pooping on the run

3) Mid October Update of my Training for the Rutledge Marathon (11-15-08) and Harpeth Hills Flying Monkey Marathon (11-23-08)

4) My Pacing and the State of the Greenway at 3rd Creek

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Note: there might be small pauses in the audio, those were my triggers to add some beeping or other sound effects to indicate transition between subjects (edits). I didn’t remember about them until AFTER I exported to MP3 format and well, I wasn’t going to go back and try to fix it at that point.

Part 1 was a little easier to edit and get posted. Part 2 should be uploaded (hopefully) early next week and I “Want” to do a 3 part series on my 2 Marathons… one before the 1st one, one between the two and a recap episode.

 

 Gravity@1053' [31:52m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Here’s Part Two: I tried keeping the gross stuff to a minimum but I didn’t let it detract from cheap stabs (hehe) at humor.

August 21st: The $20 Run
On Thursday’s, My Lovely and Talented Wife has her weekly meeting and Our Resourceful and Reliable Au Pair has the kids, so that leaves me with free time. Since Tuesday is Terry Day, I use this free time on Thursday to get stuff done around the house (after running). My initial intention was to run in the neighborhood, but My Lovely and Talented Wife suggested that one day I should ride with her to her meeting and then run home. This way we’d have more time together since she doesn’t get home from her meeting until after 8:30pm. I was already to run, so I told her that I would just go with her right then. I got my Road ID, my Driver’s License, $20 and my phone.

Half of the course is run on a road with no shoulder, so I am forced to run in the Right of Way area. It’s commercial zoned area, so there are no sidewalk, just 6′ grassy right of ways. It’s like cross country, except with traffic 5 feet away from you. The other half of the course is on sidewalks and other formed asphlate/concrete surface.

When I got to the intersection of Lovell Road and Parkside (a very busy intersection), I stopped and check my pockets… and what do I find… the plastic bag with the $20 (to protect it from being so sweaty if I bought a drink from a store) was GONE! Somewhere over the 3.1 miles to that point, I lost it. It must have just slipped out and was gone forever. And it was gone forever, I drove my route the next morning with no luck AND I ran the same route the next week and NOTHING. I just that whoever found it had a good time. I speculate that it was dropped near one of the restaurants and it was picked up by a patron and tipped the waitress well. That’s what I am thinking. This area doesn’t have a lot of wanderers, so I don’t think someone needy would have picked it up.

Addendum to August 21st: The $20 Run: Surgery
Well, I left something out on my route ($20) and I picked up something on that run (an infection). Some how, probably some friction of my toes during the run caused some irritation. Instead of going to a blister, it went straight to infection.

All day Friday, I could feel the sore spot on my big toe. It got to the point that it hurt to walk and seeing that I wanted to run on Saturday, that called for drastic measures: Surgery. I broke out my Time Life Book Series - Home Surgeries. During family movie night, I sat down to inspect my foot. It was puffy like a blister, but didn’t have the “excess” skin that is created with the fluid built up. I deemed it time for some exploratory surgery and see just how much pain I could inflict on myself withstand.

As a runner, there are a few tools of the trade that are mutli-purpose tools,namely The Safety Pin. So, I grabbed one of the million that I have a safety pin, disinfected it and starting to do some exploratory data gathering. My first question was… what was causing the soreness? Internal pressure or possible bone breakage (my X-ray machine is on the fritz).

Once you get past the first stab stick, the rest are pretty easy. The first poke wasn’t fruitful, so I made another (what’s that word for impaling, but not impaling?) poke on the other side. Nothing. So what does any good scientist do? Think: What would Mr. Whipple Do? Oh, Squeeze. The external forces exerted on the sore area cause the internal pressure to exceed the integrity of the skin, notably at the poke holes, and like a volcano, I had the first oozing evidence that the source of my pain was indeed an infection.

Not to get too graphic (because I forgot to take pictures), I made more “pressure release” points about 7 in all and squeezed until there was no more juicy juice. My foot felt so much better! but I had to deal with these gaping holes. I put some pharmecutical grade of Melaleuca oil (Tea Tree Oil) and never had a problem or a flare up.

August 26: Long Run #2 with #2… twice
Tuesdays are my typical long run days. I can get 4-5miles in at lunchtime and then fill in the rest of the mileage in the evening. With it being early in the training cycle, the long runs aren’t all that long 8-12 miles, so I can skip the lunchtime runs (and the heat) and just run in the evening.

This day was slated for 12 miles and I had set it up to run 4 at lunch and 8 after work, but because it was so rainy-misty, I pushed everything back to after work. Since I was adjusting my schedule, I thought that I would run on a route that I was pretty comfortable with and close to my office. I made it down to the 3rd Creek/Neyland Greenway Junction and headed out West on the greenway. I decided that I would explore a (new to me) junction at the end of James White Greenway that connects to Morningside Greenway. With this connection, I could really get more mileage in a new place and get a long run of 20+ exclusively on Greenways.

Somewhat early in the run I got that “Do Not Call Phenomenon“. The bad thing for me was that I was far away from any bathroom as I was in the middle of the James White Greenway. The good thing was that I was very secluded on the greenway and there was a patch of overgrowth that I had imagined in my previous runs that 1) Either a Homeless person would live in there or 2) someone from The Mob would ditch a body in there.

But I added a 3rd idea 3) Make-Shift Porta Potty. So, I did my business and it occured to me that I should bring an antibacterial Wet-Wipe. They are small, light-weight and would be very handy right now. So, with that business out of the way, I continued on, feeling MUCH better.

I found the connector from the James White Greenway to the Morningside Park fairly easily. Although you have to go through a MAJOR intersection, it’s not very busy and so easy to manage. Morningside Park’s Greenway is really a walking path within the park. I say that because instead of stretch of fairly straight greenway (for running or biking), the greenway hugs the hill, creates a number of curves and has forks that split off from the main path for other parts of the park. So, this greenway’s main focus was for walkers, which is fine in itself, there is nothing wrong with that, it’s just different.

This also happened to be my turn around point for my Westerly run. I was running (approximately) 4miles out to the west, turn around and go back to the car for a total of 8 and then head out East for 2 miles and then back to the car for a total of 12miles.

On the way back, right near the place where I had stopped for a dumpster-doodle, I get a Call from Nature AGAIN. Ugh! You have got to be kidding. But seeing that I was in a good location and that I would never have made it to the nearest real bathroom, I went into the woods for the Second #2. This time, I was prepared and it was a much easier outing. With repetition comes skill - HA!

I head back out on the Greenway and have a decent 12mile run without anymore incidents!

Running: it’s in my blood
I have written before about times that I have donated blood and how much my running has sucked afterwards because of it. I received a postcard in the mail saying that it was time for me to donate again, and I thought, sure, I’ll do that NOW as I was still a number of weeks before my marathons. When I got to Medic, there was a sign out on the front lawn that there was a critical need for blood, so I was extra glad that I was giving that day, as I have O blood, which is the universal donor type.

Donating blood doesn’t stop me from running that day. I learned the hard way, that if I donate blood in the morning, I should not run 13 miles in the afternoon. Since it was Thursday, I did my now normal 6.1miles from My Lovely and Talented Wife’s meeting location to home. My time was slower than my previous run of the same course, but not too far off and I was pretty happy about that.

How Soon I Forget
The last run of August was another run with the Double Stroller and the Kids for a 2.5mile run to the park, a rest time while the kids play and the 2.5mile run back. It’s not an easy run to begin with because 3rd Creek Greenway has a number of hills that aren’t very big, but have decent grade to them. Then there is whole approximate 70 pounds of kids and 30 pounds of Stroller to push around.

How quickly I forgot that I had donated blood when that run that day seemed extra difficult. WHY was I running out of breath so soon and WHY did I feel more tired at the park (turn-around) then I usually do at the finish. Then it occurred… Uh, you gave BLOOD on Thursday Doofus and it’s just Saturday… Saturday Afternoon in 90 degree heat… MO-Ron. Ahhhhhh, yes… that whole “You need blood to carry the oxygen” concept that I learned on School House Rocks! [YouTube Video] so long ago.

So that wraps up my “runs” in August! Of course, now I have September Runs to talk about!

This is one of those “boring, running posts”, so if boring and running posts bore you, you can move along. If somehow, they do interest you… sad, so let’s get going!

After my trail run from Last Tuesday, I took Wednesday off from running. Could have been that I had a doctor’s appointment at lunch. I really wasn’t sore from the run either, but really, most of the trail was flat and I didn’t go that far (7 miles).

Thursday, I think are going to be my ‘Tempo to Easy’ days. I said it this way, because they should really be Easy days with everything that I have planned out, but let’s face it. I can’t run easy unless I am running with someone else who wants to run easy. If I am the lead, then I will creep into Tempo pace. So, I should really call them Tempo with a chance for Easy pace.

So on Thursday, when my first mile was a 9:24, I was pretty pleased that I was more on the Easy pace. I was off to do 4 miles on my Market Square Fab 4 course. Mile 2 in 9:18 and I was at mile 2.5 when I started to get a call from Nature. Then, it got Urgent (Urgent, Urgent, Urgent, Emergency…) and I went from an Easy run to a walk. Once again, I was stuck with no where to go and and 1.5 miles from the Aquatic Center. It took me 24 minutes to walk waddle back. I think the main catalyst for this was that I started back on my morning smoothie and there is a ridiculous amount of Fiber in the mix I use… and Fiber + Running = speedier process.

Moving along…

Fridays, I have dubbed Brick Days. I thought a funny ‘Frickin’ Brickin” workout name, but thought it was too Frickin’ stoopid. But I think through the summer, I will make Fridays Brick Days. I chose a swim/bike brick for Friday’s workout. I originally wanted to do 800m swim / X mi bike. Meaning that I would just bike as long as time allowed to see where I was. I wasn’t sure how fast I could ride anyway, so this was a feeler sort of  ride.

I ended up only swimming 400 meters (9:13) then took a 9:33 min transition. But really this was getting out of the pool and figuring out how to get my goggles and cap into the bottle holder so that it wouldn’t fall out during the ride. Plus a little bit of the time was getting from the aquatic center to the 3rd Creek Greenway. I averaged at 15 mph ride for 6 miles once on the greenwat. I did have to stop a couple of times for traffic, plus some of the hills and just getting tired. So, I was very pleased with the Brick workout.

Saturday and Sunday, I didn’t do anything workout related. There was a window of opportunity to take the kids in the stroller, but I was a little lackluster about going out with the kids in that. I just wasn’t motivated.

Mondays are Speed Days… I had decided that I would again do 800meter repeats, but that didn’t last long. Mentally, I was ready for the day. Physically, the forces of nature were “testing” me. Monday was near 80F and so that warrants running shirtless during the high heat months of summer. It was also the hottest conditions that I have run in since Fall of last year, by 10 degrees. I did wear my heart rate monitor and the output wasn’t helping either. I maxed at 89% of (my overall) Max Heart Rate and it felt very very difficult. My Average heart rate was 146 (78%) but my Speed Intervals weren’t even 5k race pace. They were more like 10k race pace. My performance had dropped off enough at the end of mile 1 that I had to switch to a 400m interval to survive getting back to the Aquatic Center. Oddly enough, mentally I was still into the run. I could tell there was something wrong. I thought back to what Chelle had commented on my Expo post about the allergens and how that might be affecting my horsepower. Plus, the heat… 800s may have been to long in the heat. I’ll probably have to switch to a shorter interval for the summer.

So, I am heading back out to Forks of the River today for a trail run… and I am little better prepared this week! (but that won’t preclude me from doing something stoopid).

I hate it when I get off on internet Tangents… I went to Google Latin Translations for “speed and interrupt” and then realized that it was getting late in the afternoon… *sigh*

So let me catch you up on my running. I got a weekend run in! I know! Usually, the running on the weekend is limited to races, but this Saturday, due to scheduling, I was able to run. And I wasn’t alone either. I had two running buddies with me who traveled as fast as I did!

Yes, I said traveled and not ‘ran’. That’s because my running buddies were none other than The Elder and The Younger in our double stroller. My Lovely and Talented Wife went to the Women’s Expo to check out all the free (and not so free) stuff that they had. As a result, I had the kids to myself in the morning and with a window of oppurtunity to get a run in before the rain, I took the kids out.

Now, with the Kids, they love 3rd Creek Greenway. 1) There is a playground (Tyson Park) about 2.6 miles from the Parking Lot. 2) There is a train track that runs parallel to the Greenway. 3)There are bridges. 4) There are underpasses and finally 5) There is a train track that runs parallel to the Greenway.

The Reader’s Digest of the Saturday run was that I ran in about 50:50 (I do stop my watch when I have to tend to the kids). It was fairly easy and I wasn’t totally sore on Sunday. We did get to see a train (we’re about 50 feet from the track) and play at the Park, so they were accomodating for the most part to Daddy. Only bad thing was that 1) I forgot my Heart Rate Monitor in the van and 2) I left my iRiver in the van as well.

Today (Monday) I decided to some speed work. I actually have dubbed Monday as speedwork day. My intention was to rnu 400m intervals. But unfortuantely, I don’t know my 400m (~1/4 mile) splits very well, so I would have to do a 400m, 400m, 800m, 800m, 800m, 800m, 400m, 400m run with a speed interval follow by a recovery interval. I made it to the 2 mile (out of 3 mile) mark when all of sudden I had that “Nature’s Do Not Call” phenomenon again. If you check out my Buckeye Outdoor running log, you’ll see my last mile is at a 13:43 pace. Oi!

I am looking at tomorrow to be a long run day with a long run of 6-8 miles in a 2-fer configuration.

I got more to post but I have no more time right now… ending transmission. Over.

The Scene: We were all down in the workshop. I was cleaning and straightening up while working out while lifting weights. The Elder and Younger were in the workshop wandering around at all the dangerous wonderful items in there. I ended up letting them cut paper with crazy scrapbooking scissors, which ends up making a bigger mess BUT it keeps them away from all the dangerous wonderful items. MLATW had come back from the Children’s Sale from our church where she bought a bunch of other people crap cool used stuff.

A strange, yet vaguely familiar smells permeates the Workshop air. We (the adults) quickly realize that someone has either a) passed gas or b) pooped. Since passing gas accompanies a loud and sudden noise, followed by an intense round of giggling, we knew that it must be the latter.

“Okay, who pooped?” MLATW asks the workshop denizens, knowing with 98% certainty that it belonged to the minors in the household.

With enthusiam and a hint of pride, The Younger exclaimes, “MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” The Kids are unaffected by the response. However, the Adults get a nice silent chuckle, trying not to broadcast that it was indeed funny or else a repeat performance will ensue. A few moments afterwards, I ask another question to The Younger.

“Did it feel good?”

The Younger nods in agreement. Yup, that’s my boy.

Our Government has a Do Not Call Program. Nature Does Not.

When Nature calls, you better answer… the sooner the better. Now, I am about to share with you a story about

When Nature calls, the later the not-better.

So, I am out running today at lunch, nothing exciting, just out for a run. I don’t have my watch so I have no idea what my time was (not that it matters at this point) or what was my pace for the first 3/4 of my run. It’s beautiful weather here today… mid 50Fs and sunny, perfect running weather.

I am moved right through my first 2 miles, no problem. Running does sometimes cause some occassional gas. It’s not like Taco Bell gas, but with everything moving and shifting around, it’s not uncommon to have a little “wind” from time to time. During that second mile, I was getting a little winded and I was not even tired… HA! (oh, I crack myself up).  Near the 2.5 mile I suddenly get a “larger gust”, if you get my drift… and I had to ponder whether it was all gaseous or not.

I deem everything to be okay and then proceed on my way. However, I am starting to get little breezes here and there and then on an uphill, Something shifts, and I have to stop. I’m now standing there looking like i am trying to make a diamond with my butt cheeks.

RING, RING. Nature’s Calling, I don’t even pick up the phone.

I’m able to make it mile 3 when I have to start walking. I still think I am okay at this point, everything is just gaseous, but using one of the euphemisms that we used with our kids… “The Troops were heading South”. I’m now at part of the campus that does not have many public lavatories or secluded spots. I could get to the library and that would put me off course to the point where if I didn’t make it, it would be a long ways to go especially if stuff was, uh, messy.

Now Nature is just ringing and ringing and I trying desparately to not pick up the phone. I’m sure that I looked weird to the casual observer. I’m walking around with something shoved up my butt (literally), so I was walking tall and maybe I exuded a sense of confidence with my newly found posture. I was desperately trying not to exude anything else at this time.

As I am walking down hills, the Ringing is getting LOUDER and LOUDER, but I am still able to not pick up the phone.

I think that most runners have experienced a “Call from Nature” while on a run, especially a Long Run. This has happened to me on a number of occasion. So, this wasn’t something that was completely foreign to me… although I wish it was. However, being in the middle of campus, there were no private places for me to… well, you know.

I’m now a 1/4 mile away from the aquatic center and THANKFULLY, there is not too many people around on campus, because I can make weird gestures with my body to make sure that I don’t “Break Containment”

RING. RING. RING. RING. RINGRINGRING!

Hello?

• Captain, we’ve encountered a break in containment… shifting power to auxiliary channels…
• General, the Troops have moved South out of the Valley, we are now exposed to the harsh condition of the elements. Your Orders?
• Pilot to Bombardier, Pilot to Bombardier…. We Have Reached our target… BOMBS AWAYYYYYYYYYYY.
• Oh, Crap.

I’m less than 0.2 of a mile away… I can see the aquatic center building but I try the door of a closer physical education buildings… the door I try is locked. Oh well, the cats out of bag now, so what’s the use? I now weigh my options. I know that I can walk behind the building and get to the Aquatic Center with minimal human contact and little downhill movement. I check myself to make sure that the liner of my shorts (secondary containment) has worked and it has.

As gracefully as I could with some extra junk in the trunk, I waddled toward the aquatic center. I think I may have passed 4 or 5 people before I made it back to the Men’s Bathroom in the Aquatic Center. I’m not sure how many people were laughing at me, hopefully none, but I made it. Thankfully, everything came out fine. Uh, I mean… that the only thing messed up was my time for the last mile. And seeing that I didn’t have a watch, doesn’t really matter.

So what would you do if you just came home and your Lovely and Talented Wife and/or Husband, Partner, Life Partner, Girl Friend, Boy Friend, Roommate, [Fill in Blank] says, “GO see what the kids are doing?”

That’s not a good sign. Especially when you can hear them talking. When one of them is screaming, you know what to expect. When they are talking, there is no limit to the evil mischief that they are getting themselves into. What’s worse, is that I hear them both in the Bathroom and it’s not tubtime. Rarely are they in there together, in a playing sort of environment.

The way our hall bathroom is configured, the Large Wall mirror is positioned so that if the door is open you can see the toilet from the living room. This could lead to embarrassment for someone who didn’t quite shut the door. In my case, I use it as an early warning system. I can “see” the inside of the bathroom before I get there and this gives me at least 2 seconds to process what I see before I get to the bathroom, cutting the “Surprise and Alarm” factor by 2.

So, I am hearing the kids talking (oh, not good) and then, in the mirror, I see them around the toilet (oh, SO not good) and The Elder has the toilet scrubber (Bad, very bad). Oh, please Lord, let it not be a clogged toilet with poop and toilet paper and the toilet scrubber breaking apart wet unsanitary paper and it flinging everywhere, I don’t want to have to call the Center for Disease Control to come down to sanitize the bathroom.

So in 2 seconds, I am turning into the bathroom asking, “What are you doing?”

“They won’t go down,” The Elder replies. And then I see this:

The Hellions Kids are stuffing packing peanuts down the toilet. DOWN THE TOILET! And The Elder is using the toilet brush to ram them down, since they have to flush them. The optimist in me thinks, “Well, at least it’s not poop.”

So what would you do? What I did Below:

I

AM

Making 

This

Invisotext

Because my HTML editor eats up

Extra white space… bastard.

Anyway, go look in the mirror and say “Damn, I’m looking GOOD!”

“No! No! Let’s put the scrubber away and get out of here. Let’s go to the kitchen.”

I take the scrubber away and think to myself how I get to fish out the peanuts from the toilet water… sure SOME could be sent to the water treatment plant, but not all at once. I usher the kids out of the bathroom to the kitchen.  As I pass My Lovely and Talented Wife’s Office she inquires,

“What were they up to?”

“Heh, it’s picture worthy… They were stuffing peanuts down the toilet,” I said in passing as I got the kids redirected into the kitchen and to get my camera.

“Oh, I should of told them not to do them all at once.” WHAT? They had Executive Clearance to stuff packing peanuts down the toilet? Am I in the right house? “They probably just need to add some water, they are the biodegradable peanuts.”

Oh… thank goodness! And sure enough, all it took was some additional water and the peanuts dissolved and the toilet was Free and Clear.

It’s pretty common for combat veterans to have flashback of combat situations, where the high stress plays on the mental psyche and makes it hard to forget. Well, this is nothing as life threatening as that but this morning, I am ripped out a pleasantly stimulating slumber to the sounds of bombs dropping The Younger saying,

“Daddy, I got a POO POO, I got a Poo Poo Daddy!”

“Oh crap,” I am thinking… eh, hopefully not literally. Where is that boy? Where is the sound coming from? What time is it? It’s 5:45am! Well, I’m not getting back to my dream… ugh. OKay, here he is. Man, it’s dark. OKay, here he is. I don’t see a dark shadow.

“Kitchen Daddy. I’m Firsty”

“No. Let’s change your diaper here,” I reply. I’m looking on the carpet for a brown trail or some other indication that we have had a breach of containment. Maybe a brown mural on the wall or some other Picasso like impressionistic artwork. So far so good. Now, it time to pat him down to check for “wetness”. I can do this as I bring him over to the changing pad. Yes, there is wetness. Now I have to determine whether the wetness is from overflow of pee (which isn’t too bad), overflow of poop (which is bad), or an unidentified overflow of unknown origin (which in all cases is very bad). Seems like it’s the first. His shirt must have wicked some pee  during the night. No Hazmat team needed yet.

The Younger is stationed on the changing pad, ready for cleaning and freshening up. Now, the suspense builds much like Geraldo getting ready to open Al Capone’s vault, except in my case… there is something there. And it’s thick. I am thankful that his waste is in solid form today, on bunch of different levels. The first is that his tummy issues are going back to normal and that the sounds that resembles a whoopie cushion in a shallow pan of water should be silenced. Also, that the job at hand is a straight forward clean.

But the smell, OH, with it being solid, there are more stinky particles present. WHEW! The diarrhea looked worse than it smelled, but a whiff of The Younger, vintage 5:00am something, is not what you want prebreakfast.

But, in the end, everything came out okay and was cleaned up just fine. So we were on to the next battle… the drink.

“I don’t want Milk”

“Here’s your milk, if you don’t want it, that’s fine. I’m going to put it right here on the corner.”

“I don’t want Milk!”

“Okay…”

5 minutes later

“I’m Firsty, I want milk!”

“It’s there on the counter.”

“Fanks.”

The Younger has been going through some intestinal strife the past couple days. All of the evidence is that he had some cookies and brownies that had casien in them and his system is having to adjust.

Here is My Lovely and Talented Wife’s account of the 1st incident that happened at Way Too Early in the Morning. And let me comment that The Elder’s “Poop” (you gotta read the post for the reference) was much like the Baby Ruth Scene in CaddyShack “No Big Deal”.

At 6 something in the morning, I’m pretty groggy. We’ve had nothing more than a little early morning nap and The Younger comes to the bed side. I’m thinking why can’t you sleep in this morning, to at least 7am… come on! We were just up, 3 hours ago.

The next thing I hear is the loudest gurgling sound bellowing from the lower realm of The Younger. In 0.897 seconds, I am awake and halfway out of bed. I grab The Younger in the This-Kid-Is-About-To-Explode hold, my hands on his waste and my arms out as far as possible. I am awaiting for the mudslide to start dripping from the foot hole of his pajamas as I move very quickly but without jostling him to the bathtub. I trying not to “rock the boat” and have more spillage. After all, we had our mini-steam cleaner out at 3am in the morning working on the carpet.

Thankfully, the diaper was able to maintain containment and there was little biohazard mess to clean up. But I was now wide awake with no chance of going back to bed.

For the rest of the day, The Younger’s subsequent blowouts were less in volume but still high in the noise and smell factor. Poor guy. He did sleep through the night and he didn’t have a poop this morning. So hopefully he’s on “Empty” in the Massive Poop Department.