I discovered something very disturbing this past Christmas and I was tempted to write about it, but I didn’t. Then I saw another occurrence and I began writing and rant post in my head but it never made it to the computer. Then, on Wednesday, three times a charm, I saw something that just pushed me over the edge and I had to comment on this travesty that is happening before my eyes.

The Sanctity of Holiday Chocolate Candies is deteriorating! And it’s spreading!

Regular readers know that I love chocolate. Just a few years back, I was keeping a running total of the number of Easter Candies I was consuming, just because it was THAT special. Cadbury is by far my favorite chocolate. When the Mini-Egg was introduced, I was in heaven. It took me a little longer to actually try a Cadbury Creme Egg because I thought it was a “real” egg inside.

Every Easter season, I would wait patiently until after Valentine’s Day and head to the candy department and get a load of Mini-Eggs, Creme Eggs, and marshmallow eggs. It was a sad day when Easter was over I knew that stores would no longer carry these tastes of heaven. I would on occasion, hide a bag that I would find a few months later and try to eat it as slowly as I could. However, I love Mini-Eggs so much that a whole bag doesn’t last very long and with no will power, would be gone in a day. Yeah, I know.

Last year, I saw something that immediately disgusted m, yet I was somewhat intrigued by the newness of it all. Cadbury was marketing Christmas Holiday Balls in the crispy candy shell so reminiscent of Mini-Eggs. How could they blasphem Mini-Eggs and make this Christmas knock-off. Why were they trying to diminish the greatness that is the Cadbury Mini-Egg. But yet, how could I resist? They weren’t “shaped” like eggs, nor were they “pastel” colors but the bold red and green of the Christmas Season. So, in my moment of weakness, I bought a bag. I was high like a kid in Chuck E Cheese slamming back a Mountain Dew.

It was wrong, but it tasted so right. I tried to Google a picture so that I could included it here, but then I discover THIS. Now this total rip-off of the Mini-Egg is totally uncalled for… I mean, what part of Christmas is “egg” based. The easter bunny hides eggs… Santa doesn’t hide “eggs”. Well, unless that’s what he does in the stockings. At least they are not being marketed in the US, that I know of.

But what really got me going on this whole Fleecing of Candy in America. Is the marketeer’s trying to create every weird flavor they can. A few weeks back I picked up a Reese Peanut Butter Cup because the display I saw they were on sale. Deal for Terry. When I took a bite, they tasted “different” (no wonder they were on sale). But wait, upon further taste… it had a hint of Banana? Strange I thought. This experience render an email to the company about their Quality Control and how I had “bad apple”. I picked up the package and it was supposed to be peanut butter and banana. In fact, it was an Elvis commissioned special collector edition Reese Peanut Butter and Banana Cup… Thank you, Thank you very much.

Cadbury’s attempt to mimic seasonal candy is nothing new, Reese’s has been doing for years. When I first discovered Reese’s Easter Eggs, it was like a Peanut Butter party in my mouth. Less chocolate and more peanut buttery goodness had a much better blend then the normal, almost wimpy, peanut butter cups. Then you could find Peanut Butter Christmas Trees in December, Then you could find Pumpkins in October and you can find hearts in February.

So what is next? Reese Peanut Butter Flags for Flag Day (June)? Reese Peanut Butter Firework for Fourth of July(July)? Reese Peanut Butter Walker for Grandparents Day (September)? Reese Peanut Butter Boat for Columbus Day (October)? And since Christmas candy now comes out before Halloween, I think the rest of the year is covered. Except for August… nothing happens in August. Maybe a Reese Peanut Butter Air Conditioner? But, Oh wait, They already have done this, It’s called The Big Cup.

It’s available at the check out counter of my grocery store and currently it is on sale 3/$1. Instead of some cutesy shape it’s just a big cup. And the nice thing is that you aren’t paying a holiday premium either. At the same store, the Peanut Butter egg is 50 cents. So that’s 17 cents of “we’re going to gouge you with pretty colors and shapes” you’re paying for the egg as opposed to the cup. And Once you tasted “Big”, the regular sized Peanut Butter cups won’t do it for you anymore. Finally, I researched that a Peanut Butter egg is 1.2 oz and a Big Cup is 1.4 oz, so you if you are an Optimist, you are getting a great deal with the Big Cup; and if you are a pessimist, Reese is screwing you with the Easter Eggs.

And what I saw last Wednesday that pushed me over the edge was a “limited edition” Snickers bar. And we all know that “limited Edition” means “We aren’t making a whole until we see if you like them”. Just as Coca Cola released Diet Coke Plus, the not as bad for you soda, M&M Mars has come out with Snickers Plus Charged.

With it’s shiny white wrapper, I thought at first it was a white Chocolate Snickers (haven’t seen one yet), but alas it was a “not as bad for you” candy bar. Now, seeing how much I am willing to sacrifice for you all. I subjected myself as a human guinea pig and consumed one of these death bars for your benefit.

My Take: If I didn’t know it was a “special” Snickers, I wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference from a regular one. And given that there are some “bonus” vitamins in there, that’s pretty cool. I mean, I would have to eat 10 Snickers to get the 100%DV of Vitamins B6 and B12 (which is only a 2500 calorie intake, with 130g of fat). It comes with 250mg of Taurine, what ever that does… I am not Googling it right now. It contains 60mg of caffeine. So you can wash this thing down with a Red Bull and be freakin’ high for 2 days. If you listened to Jim Rome today, he was giving away a case of these bars (that’s 288 bars) for the best email of day. I wish I had a chance to play.