On Monday, My Lovely and Talented Wife and I went out for dinner. I was freakin’ starved and was thinking Mexican. Mexican Restaurants have a pretty substantial Gluten Free menu, especially since you can opt for corn tortillas. And since we actually don’t have Celiac disease, cross contamination is not an issue. WE are starting to shift to a Casien Free Diet and at Mexican places you can get food Dairy Free as well, as long as the people hear you.

Well, while ordering the clerk behind the counter was very friendly and enthusiastic, but I was in a hungry/aspergian state of mind. I was nothing more than a Robot ordering some consumable product for ingestion. My Lovely and Talented Wife said, “He’s trying to be friendly to you.”

Asperger people don’t or can’t catch on to these clues as naturally as neuro-typical (NT) people. But once she said that I realized what was going on. Basically, I was emitting being a “jerk” when I was feeling “I’m neutral.” I did try to make it up to the next guy, even when I said that “I didn’t want Cheese”, he puts a whole handful on there. Oh well, it’s not going to kill me.

So that was a somewhat typical (for me) Aspergian Moment. Here’s an example, one day later, of a non-Aspergian moment. I went into Walgreens to pick up some meds. Now, I can’t go into a store without wanting to get a Diet Coke or some other drink. I was 2 seconds from deciding NOT to get one, when I heard the Marketing genius from Coca-Cola talk to me saying “You want Diet Coke, Diet Coke Good, My Coke Reward Points on Diet Coke, You are getting Thirsty” I walk up with my Diet Coke to counter and check as normal. It’s the nice older lady that I see frequently. And I notice something new on the counter. A candy bar.

Now, this is big news for me! I love candy bars and chocolate. This one was a Reese’s Peanut Butter Bar. Think “Peanut Butter 3 Musketeer!” Yeah, I know! I didn’t have enough money to get both and the Reese’s Marketing people aren’t in my head… yet.

“They’re pretty good,” the cashier added.

I asked, “What do they taste like?”

“Creamy on the inside”

“Lighter than a Reguar Reese’s Cup?”

“Yes,” she responded.

“So, like a Peanut Butter 3 Musketeer bar?” I asked.

“Kind of like that.”

“Cool, Thanks.”

I took about 2 steps towards the door and turned around and said,

“You know, just when you think they can’t make any new candy bars, the companies come out with this,” I exclaimed pointing to the small display of newly found sources of fat and carbohydrates. Holy Special Interests Batman! That wasn’t no non-Aspergian moment! *GASP* Candy Bars (and Chocolate) are one of my Interests. *Slaps hand on forehead*

Here I thought that I was making social chit-chat and albeit at the time it was, while I was checking out. But as I was leaving, I was compelled to stop, turn around and talk about a preferred interest and with my own slant. But at least I am starting to recognize these things… just part of being “pleasantly eccentric”

In case you were wondering:

huh, come to find out they’ve only been out since 10/12

And I forgot the next verse
Oh well, I guess it pays to rehearse
The lyric sheet’s so hard to find
What are the words, oh nevermind
Don’t know, don’t know, don’t know, I don’t know!
Don’t know, don’t know, don’t know…
-Smells Like Nirvana Wierd Al Yanovik’s parody of Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit

I am staring at the keys waiting for my brain to send signals to my fingers to type the blog entry that is being passed around my neurons like a game on Hot Potato on the school playground. *sigh*

The smelling reference of this post refers to what the psychologist said about a questionnaire that I and my wife took in trying to get an official diagnosis of Asperger’s. We thought that an online counselor would be a better approach for us to get an official diagnosis of me. After all, we didn’t need a professional to diagnose me as an “insensitive jerk” we had plenty of evidence of that but sadly, the diagnosis of IJ is currently not in the DSM IV. Now if there was something else there that was making me be an a-hole then perhaps there would be a way to control or modify or make me aware of my insensitivity and jerkiness. Why? Because That’s what Schoolhouse Rock and G.I. Joe [ed. Holy Nostalgia Batman, I just had a Retro-tastic trip with the images on the Hasbro website of G.I. Joe figures that I have not seen in over 20 years, I think I just wet myself] taught us: “Knowledge is Power” and “Knowing is Half the Battle”

The online counselor approach seemed fine at first but in the end, it was not the prudent method for myself. I am sure that an online approach can help thousands, or millions of people. I mean, how many of us get free therapy just from blogging. Our questionnaire answers were not exactly the best representation of us and I think our biggest disappointment from the online counselor was that they did not ask further probing questions. WYSIWYG. I can tell you that my answers were very much the style of this blog, honest but with… eh, FLAIR!

Here’s a summary of the online experience with the online person:

We started in early September with the online person who after longs days of writing our responses to 45 question surveys (one for each of us) said that he met NONE of the criteria [for asperger's syndrome]. SHOCK. And the start of my second-guessing EVERYTHING all over again.

And then we began writing a response on reasons why and why not we agreed with the diagnosis. Then in mid-to-late September, I looked at the DSM IV requirements and was able to provide enough evidence for a self-diagnosis. So that led to us seeing a real live person, who was referred to us from the Austim 101 class we attended. (Asperger’s is generally classified under the Autism blanket AND the Main-Man, head Guru of Asperger’s Dr. Tony Attwood refers to Aspergers in his writings as High Functioning Autism(HFA)). Thankfully, My Lovely, Talented and Persistent Wife wouldn’t let me drag my heels any longer and I found out that the person was under our insurance. YAY!

Last Week (10/3) was our second appointment with our psychology and she said that it was probably Aspergers that we were looking at. Now, I took this literally (Aspergian trait) meaning that it “probably” was and that it could be something else. Maybe it was something else and not Aspergers, or maybe it was something else and Aspergers or some other crazy combination. I dunno. If she didn’t say “Hominus Dominus, you have Asperger’s” then this “probably” and “maybe” stuff, are just hypotheses (and you’ve given me no p-value! GRRR – Statistician joke).

Okay, now to the smelly-smelly part.

We had sent our live psychologist some of the files that we sent the online person since our last visit so she could look over them. My Lovely and Talented Wife was able to see her yesterday due to a cancellation and here’s her take of how part of her meeting went:

The current psychologist begins the session with, “These reek of Aspergers.”
“Really? Because we didn’t even give you everything that we gave to the other lady.”

Now, we have to thank our friends over at Merriam-Webster’s Online for giving us a good definition of “reek”

Typically, we the word reek is generally a negative reference:
“Whew, did you smell that skunk, it reeked”
“Damn, Did you pass gas, dude? That reeks… no more Taco Bell for you!”

From Meriam-Webster:
Main Entry: reek
Function: verb
intransitive verb
1 : to emit smoke or vapor
2 a : to give off or become permeated with a strong or offensive odor <a room reeking of incense> b : to give a strong impression of some constituent quality or feature <a neighborhood that reeks of poverty>

So, I don’t want to give you the impression that Asperger’s is a negative thing. So, it’s the 2b definition that is key here. So when the live psychologist read the files and combined with what she knew from the previous session, [I'm pondering here] She thought to herself “Hmmm, does Terry have Asperger’s?” *pause* “WHOOP WHOOP DING DING”

In fact, John Elder Robison (BUY his BEST SELLER book: Look Me In the Eye) had a post called Aspergian Light that is a very good read on Asperger’s by an Aspergian.

So now we have come full circle. I referenced smelly, rambled on for a while, made my smelly point and now we are at a close. Hallelujah!

I mentioned in a previous post about Look Me in the Eye by John Elder Robinson, who, by the way, left a comment on my blog. How cool is that!

Robert, from Simply Robert also responded with a book suggestion as well:

Good stuff. I’ll have to check this out. You might also want to take a look at Soon Will Come the Light by Thomas McKean.

Also, one of my NT (Neuro Typical) friends here in Knoxville suggested another book called The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon which is a fictional account about a autistic boy and you are reading from his perspective. He says that it’s very good, so I will have to put that on my list.

I went to Borders today to see if the Look Me in the Eye was here in Knoxville and that I could get my copy, but alas, it was not.

From my It fits on the Palm in my Hand post, Marianna commented:

I can’t remember if one of your readers recommended it here, but there’s a new book out that got 4 stars from People magazine. It’s called Inside Asperger’s: One Man’s Tale Look Me In the Eye by John Elder Robison.

I actually have this book on preorder with Borders! My Lovely and Talented Wife had sent the link to his website sometime ago and I poked around. When I saw that he had a forecoming book, I was very excited!

I am very excited to read a first hand account of what it was like to grow up with Asperger’s. I am very curious to see how closely my childhood was to his. Now, I don’t have an “official” diagnosis of Asperger’s but given the clues, we have (in our non-Holiday Inn Express expert opinion) concluded that I do have Asperger’s and that I am pretty high functioning, probably due to learning how to adapt over the last 35, ehhh, almost 36 years.

Here is a link to John Elder Robison’s Blog Look Me In The Eye. It’s pretty fascinating, especially when you consider that right now he is prepping for his multi-state book tour. Taken from one of his blog entries, here is a short schedule of where he will be promoting his book:

• September 25 Barnes & Noble New York, NY 7:00 PM
• September 26 RJ Julia Madison, CT 7:00 PM
• September 27 Brookline Booksmith Boston, MA 7:00 PM
• September 28 Attending the Asperger Association of New England event, Boston
• Watch for me on Weekend Today
• October 2 Borders East Madison Store Madison, WI 7:00 PM
• Listen for me with Diane Rehm on National Public Radio
• October 3 Harry Schwartz Booksellers Shorewood, WI 7:00 PM
• October 11 Food for Thought Books Amherst, MA 7:00 PM
• October 16 Buttonwood Books Cohasset, MA 10:00 AM *reservations required
• October 18 Elms College Chicopee, MA 4-9 PM *reservations required
• October 25 Northshire Bookstore Manchester Center 7PM
• November 2 UMASS Lowell Lowell, MA 7:00 PM
• November 15 Tattered Cover Denver, CO 7:30 PM
• December 5 Amherst Books Amherst, MA 8:00 PM

So if you can get out and see him, that would be great. So far, East Tennessee is not on his touring schedule.