[ed: I had a hard time finding a good picture of “Heidi” the book character. Let me tell you, searching “Heidi” on Google, will give you some, eh-um, interesting pictures. None Safe for Work. ]
Dateline: Friday Night, Date Night.
My Lovely and Talented Wife had a hankering for some seafood, so on the menu for date night was food from the sea. However, what we thought we were doing was totally different, not just in our heads, but in reality.
Remember on Thursday and Friday, that whole Lost Key and Forgot to Bring Spare to Work fiasco? Well, it happened to be that The Elder had an eye appointment downtown is about 4 blocks from my work. So, our Au Pair, brought My Lovely and Talented Wife, The Elder, The Younger and (of course) herself downtown. She let off My lovely and Talented Wife and The Elder at the doctors while she brought the car key to my office. She then took The Younger to Fort Kid (a play ground). When the Doctor’s appointment was over, I left work early (YAY!) and picked the two of them up and we went to Fort Kid, where we dropped off The Elder and date night was to begin.
However, there was a problem.
One of my coworkers, has season tickets to UT basketball and asked if we wanted a pair of tickets (we picked up Football Tickets from him earlier). I email My Lovely and Talented Wife on whether she wanted to go and she asked “when did it start”
To my Aspergian mind, I read it as “I would like to know when it starts before I make a decision on whether to affirm in the positive or decline the offer”. However, I found out later that it said, “Sure, I’d like to go, but am seeing what time it starts. I’ll dress up in some UT orange apparel and look smoking hot for when TV camera put me on the jumbotron”
So, when she asked “Where are our seats?” I had a mini-heart attack, a mini-stroke and wanted to puke. Since I hadn’t heard from her saying something to effect as “sure”, “why not?”, “okay”, “that’s better than poking sharp sticks in my eyes” I told my coworker that we’d pass on the tickets.
So, I’m starting to shut down… I’m panicking and starting to puke.
We drop off the The Elder at Fort Kid and head out for some Seafood. But it’s not even 4pm yet. Well, that puts a kink in the plan and I really want to puke now. So, I have to stall. We cruise to Downtown so that she can check out the new stuff in Downtown. She worked downtown in 2003 but hadn’t been back for a while. I, on the underhand, run through downtown once a week (at least).
While we are making our way around downtown, I get the idea to go to Sevierville (about 45 minutes away). Not exactly sure what we’d find that way other than 1001 outlet shops. We headed that way.
Once in Sevierville, My Lovely and Talented Wife had the brilliant idea to go ahead and find a place to eat to avoid the crowds. We were looking for a place that we didn’t have in Knoxville, but Knoxville has about every eating establishment and if we don’t have it, we used to, it just closed and was reopened as something else (e.g.
Bob Evans Friendly’s Dave’s Rib Shack).
We ended up going to Connor’s, which we have in Knoxville, but it was in the middle of a Outlet Farm and we had a mission besides eating: Find the Kids some Christmas Clothes for their Christmas Picture.
Upon entering the establishment, I stand in line behind the current person leaving her party’s name. I’m looking around and there does seem to be some empty tables, which bodes well for having short wait. While the lady is finishing up an elderly woman comes up next to me and when the hostess looks up, she begins to take her name. Uh HELLO. Here’s first!
Being the gentlemen that I can be when forced by local laws, I let the hostess take care of her. Lucky for her, we were seated immediately. I told My Lovely and Talented Wife that old lady had cut in front of us and that since they were so slow, they were right in our path to our seat and that I was going to take her out when we passed her. But I didn’t, she’s someone’s Grandmother and I’d be pissed off if some jerk pushed down my Grandma just to be seated 30 seconds faster.
Once we were seated, there was just something that wasn’t quite right. Maybe we were in the Twilight Zone or somewhere else, I dunno. We’re just hanging out waiting for our server when we notice this one girl waiting on a 6-top of (you guessed it) older ladies. She’s taking their order and she says something to the effect of “I’llget that as soon as I can.”
My Lovely and Talented Wife and I start talking amongst our selves about that comment.
“I’ll get that as soon as I can. That’s kind of vague.”
“Yeah, I’ll get that for you. Maybe Later. Maybe Never.”
So then we see her with her arms full with some silverware and heading to our table.
“Can I get you something to drink. We have Coke Products,” she says as she reaches up to our table (we are on a platform) and dumps the silverware on the table. Oh-kay… Now, I am usually not one to change names of non-family members to protect the innocent, but I am in this case because it makes for a better story. Heidi, our waitress looked like the Character “Heidi” all grown up and working in the restaurant to make some extra money. Maybe that’s not the case, but she reminded us of that, so we called her Heidi. I do have to say that I did appreciate the long braids, because that’s alot more sanitary that free flowing hair and 1000x more attractive than a hairnet.
Heidi was decent server. Not bad but not so outstanding that we wanted to fill out a comment card praising her in all her glory. I think we had more problems from her coworkers than anything else.
A manager came over and asked us if everything was okay. Which we said fine, but it looked like she was having a hard time disengaging from out table. As if she was expecting us to say more. Maybe she was waiting for us to praising Heidi in all her glory.
Another server came by and took my plate away which is fine, because she asked. But another server came over and took the micro fondue pot that had the butter for our crab legs, and blew out the candle.
“Um, She needs that for her crab meat.”
Yet she didn’t relight the candle. Hmmm, should that be reflected in Heidi’s tip?
As we were leaving, I see that the old couple, now a foursome was still sitting at their table. I told my wife that I would accidentally fall into their table, because that’s the passive aggressive kind of guy that I am. But I didn’t. We ended up shopping at a few stores and making some purchases for the Christmas Pictures and few other things. I ended up ruining the rest of date night as for some reason, I shutdown when we got home. I didn’t think I was tired but I was out…