These are both second hand accounts from My Lovely and Talented Wife, but I thought that I would be the one to talk about them.
Some time in the recent past, The Elder was laying on the couch watching TV like and like any man, he had his hands down his pants. My Lovely and Talented Wife asks him, “Do you need to go pee-pee?”
“No, I’m just scratching.”
So, The Elder is on the couch again, hands are down his pants again. The conversation takes an unexpected turn.
“Are you scratching?”, My Lovely and Talented Wife inquired.
“No, I’m trying to make it smaller,” he replies in his matter-of-fact aspergery way.
“Honey, if you take your hands out of your pants, it will get smaller”
[I bet it was that Adventurous little minx Dora the Explorer getting him all riled up]