And I should write in it from time to time. So let's see… what went on this weekend… hmmmm. The wedding! Ah yes… that thing. It all started a long time ago around last friday afternoon when we needed to show up for the rehearsal. Hopefully, I don't leave anything out… The wedding was of JohnFields. Yes, that is his first and last name, but that is how we call him by name… johnfields… one word. And his bride, the ever talkative, Allie. Number of words spoken by Allie to Terry… less than 10. Not a problem… this is not my day, this is about Allie and a little bit about John, errr, JohnFields. Now, I am a [DUN-DUN DUNNNN] Groomsman, so that should carry some weight. No? shut up and sit down and listen to my instructions… yes, ma'am.
The wedding was dictated by two lovely ladies, (one's whose sister said she was the Wedding Nazi), I didn't see it. They sat us down in the pews and gave us tag team instructions on what we were doing and where, etc… etc. It was then time to actually practice our march and our standing around, because really, as [DUN-DUN DUNNNN] Groomsman, we are eye candy. The Best Man (John's brother Michael) has all the responsibilities. We just have to show up, not too drunk, march a little bit, stand, march back out with a bridesmaid and then get introduced at the reception… all that without making a complete ass of ourselves. Well, that's tough for a guy.
Officially, I was [DUN-DUN DUNNNN] Groomsman number Threeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Okay, maybe not with all that flair, but close. The Rules: Walk Slowly, Don't Cut Corners, Right (hand) over Left, and don't make an ass of yourself. (I threw in the 4th one). So, everything went smoothly for the rehearsal, and so we were off to the rehearsal dinner.
Knoxville is known for ALL of its restaurants… about 1 for every 250 residents, but it's not really known for the caliber of its restaurants. Now, I don't want to get into a battle of decent restaurants, but we have a good handful of good restaurants. Those would be the restaurants that you would take out-of-town guests to enjoy the spirit they call KAH-NOX ville. And thos that stand apart from that are few… Regas is one of them. Regas, a hometown icon, is a restaurant that is rumored to have had an employee named
Frank[Mucho thanks to Dpal for noting my error, Frank Thomas is a baseball player -ed.] Dave Thomas… you know him as the lovable adopted child who created a hamburger chain with Pipi Longstocking's redheaded step-sister Wendy. I can not confirm nor disconfirm this accusation, other that I heard this from a reliable source. Regas, housed next to the train station right near the Knoxville Ghetto, is where uppity people and mere mortals like myself come to eat 5 star meals at a 5 star price with a 6 star atmosphere. So, to have Regas as the place of the rehearsal dinner was like DAMN, they throwin' down some bills on dat!
Dinner was pretty darn good. I felt cheated from the 9oz steak that I ordered. It was so tender that I didn't have to chew… it just melted in my mouth. And the baked potato was good too. Friday is a day of fasting during Lent, and typically vegetarianism is practiced on that day. Well, considering the slab O'Beef that I had, there was no need for friggin' vegetables. Unless you consider the Kale and/or orange slice the fruit/vegetable there was none. This was a good thing because the piece, I mean brick, of cake they served… vegetables would have only gotten in the way of heart-stopping, trans fat loading, artery clogging, yummy tasting and belt undoing goodness of desert. There were 2 choices: 1) Chocolate Torte – Three layers of chocolate cake cemented together by chocolate mousse, served with a defibrillator or 2) Red Velvet Cake – Three layers of the trickiest cake to make decently with cream cheese icing that created a tower of red and white making it the second tallest item on the table next to the centerpiece. I went for the RVC… I made it through 2 layers of cake and icing before I had to abandon the icing and went straight for the heart of the cake. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm…
So after our bellies were full and we hadn't quite come off of our sugar high, the gift giving initiated. The [DUN-DUN DUNNNN] Groomsman's gift was a Clock in High Quality Crystal set in the sports of our doing. I, being the only soccer player, had a different clock than the rest… they had footballs with a little football tee to hold the clock. Our names were engraved and mounted to the stand. Probably a pretty penny… very nice though. I wish that my desk at work was decent enough… it would be upper class on my ghetto desk… aight! But then there was the [DUN-DUN DUNNNN] Groomsman's gift. Now, before I go into the gift… what is the deal with a groomsman gift. I didn't get a groomsman gift… is this a new trend. Did I get shafted out of something good. Did I need to chose, errr, make that Jen chose, cheaper tuxes so that they could afford a groomsman gift? Okay… there. So we all chipped in and got him a 30GB Video iPod, but the cool part is that we all loaded up music of our own liking onto it for him. Of course, I couldn't just put folders of songs… noooooo… I had to be all creative and create a theme: T3RRY T0 TH3 N1N35 and I created 9 folders each of a different theme comprising of (guess it!) 9 songs:
Honeymoon: sexual explicit songs for some bowchicabowbow – apparently all the groomsman thought this was a good idea. I doubt Allie will share the sentiment…
Tz Fave: Some of my All-Time Songs (typically older stuff)
A Little Odd: Some weird stuff I like
Virginia: Songs from artists from Virginia
More Tz Fave: More of my All-Time Songs (typically newer stuff)
Leftovers: Stuff I couldn't make a unified theme to describe
XTC: Top songs by XTC
Numb3rs: songs with numbers in the title
Finale: like leftovers, just at the end.
Anyway, John liked it! Alot! We didn't have the heart to tell him that it might be his last manly present ever…
Then the storms came to East Tennessee. We made it to get the boys when it started to pour. Through some creative skipping and jumping we got everyone loaded up in the car and out the driveway. Start storm lull number 1. It took us about 5 minutes to get to the interstate… and we are traveling West, into the direction of the storm. Sure enough, end storm lull #1, start storm front #2. The wind was pretty bad for a few miles on the interstate… definitely thankful for the low profile, high powered Grand Prix. As we exited the interstate, end storm front #2, begin storm lull #2 and commence lightening storm. Wicked Wild lightening danced around the sky making it almost look as if it was dusk. We made it home safely and everyone was fine, but would the weather be there for the wedding… stay tuned!